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A mother’s love carries an energy that can heal everything. When that love is missing, its absence can leave scars that last a lifetime. It forms the foundation of our lives, teaching us whether the world is safe or dangerous, whether we deserve love or must fight for it.
But what happens when your mother is alive and still isn’t there for you? We rarely talk about that. Her presence in your life may be unstable and inconsistent, leaving you without the sense of safety you need.
For some people, even the thought of their mother, or hearing from her, brings up anger, sometimes rage. Beneath that rage are grief and sorrow. Few things are harder to bear than having a living mother who cannot be a mother to you. Yet it can become the greatest lesson in choosing yourself.
The painful truth is that few of us have known what it is to be held in our mother’s arms with love and compassion, without judgment or criticism. That doesn’t make our mothers bad. Not at all. They, too, were part of a patriarchal society that oppressed them.
They cannot make room for our emotions because they were never able to make room for their own.
If you’ve ever felt that your mother didn’t love you, there was probably some truth in that feeling. From birth, we look to our mothers for approval, acceptance, and love. That’s only natural. But you may be asking your mother to give you something her own mother never gave her. How can she give what she never received?
We are meant to grow beyond our parents. You are meant to become wiser than your mother, make better choices, and behave better. That is evolution.
You can stay angry. You can stay bitter. But the best thing you can do is become the person your mother was never able to be.
You don’t need your mother’s approval to know that you’re wonderful. You were born wonderful. Stop searching for validation outside yourself, even from your mother.
Step out of victimhood. Let go of your fantasies. Take responsibility for your life. You don’t need anyone else’s approval, only your own. The only person who can fill that empty space inside you is you.
Amen. May you find grace.
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Gili Man Wolner – Emotional Healer. Helping you heal and grow through Jewish wisdom. Jewish Motivation Gili Man Wolner on Linktree
