What does it take to become your best self when your heart is breaking over what is happening around you?
This week, I celebrated my birthday. Anyone who knows me knows I love a celebration.
But this year, there was a ceiling on my joy. Even as I laughed, danced, and celebrated, I felt the sadness in my heart more deeply. We were 258 days into the war, living through what felt like one long Memorial Day.
When I blew out the candles on my cake, I remembered what I always wished for as a little girl: to be a superhero.
I believe that when the Creator wants someone to become powerful, recognize their own strength, and develop genuine self-worth, He first breaks them apart. Self-worth is the foundation of self-love, and self-love is the cure for everything. The only way to build true self-worth is to face hardship.
Going through a terrible time doesn’t mean our story won’t end well. Optimism isn’t the same as being cheerful every moment. It means believing that when hardship comes, it comes for a reason.
The Creator wants us to become superheroes. I can think of no better reason for what we’re going through.
Remember: in the end, it will be good. If it isn’t good now, it isn’t the end.
Episode summary: Becoming your best
In this Hebrew-language episode of The Truth Hurts (HaEmet Ko’evet), Gili and Tal begin with birthdays and the need to hold on to every reason for joy during a painful time. Then they ask a harder question: what if struggle is part of how we discover our strength?
The conversation moves from failure and herd mentality to self-worth and the daily work of becoming a better version of yourself. They talk about letting go of the past, refusing to quit when life falls apart, and continuing even when you feel exhausted or heartbroken.
Gili and Tal also offer two practices for difficult moments: don’t react to everything and don’t take everything personally. For Gili, both are rooted in faith and in a clear distinction: we can’t control events or other people, but we can choose our response. That restraint does not mean giving up our values or boundaries.
The episode closes with a call to hold on to hope despite the war and the grief around it. Gili also invites listeners to her July workshops, focused on releasing victimhood, guilt, and anger and becoming lighter in body and soul.
#superheroes #personalempowerment #selffulfillment #podcast #thetruthhurts
Transcript: Becoming your best, Episode 62
The Truth Hurts, episode 62. Good morning, Gili. How are you?
Good. How are you?
Great. It’s been quite a week for celebrations, with all these birthdays.
It is.
And you had a birthday yourself.
I did, and that’s a reason to celebrate. It’s good to have you here bringing all this positive, uplifting energy. I know you have a few other friends who share your zodiac sign.
Of course. It’s one of my favorite signs. I love how wild you Geminis are. Usually when people ask my sign and I say Gemini, there’s a look or an awkward silence.
I think people do that with every sign. There’s always one they can’t stand. If I say I’m a Virgo, for example, I get, “Oh, no.”
Interesting.
I don’t know.
I don’t know how not to get into it.
I just think it’s fun. We need occasions that give us…
…a reason to celebrate.
Exactly. And you’re right: birthdays deserve to be celebrated even in our current reality, when every day feels like a Memorial Day that never ends.
Maybe that’s all the more reason. We have to find ways to be happy and celebrate. We have to hold tight to every reason for joy.
I’m all for it.
I’ve been thinking about this all week. What we’re living through feels almost inhuman. We keep saying, “Everything is for the good.” But it truly feels like a Memorial Day that never ends, and keeping your spirits up is hard. So I found myself asking: what is the purpose of all this?
A thought came to me that I wanted to explore today. Perhaps all of this is meant to make us almost superhuman, like Superman. Perhaps it’s turning us into superheroes.
Why?
Because this is an extraordinarily difficult time, as we often say. You may be exhausted, struggling just to get through the day. Maybe you’ve had enough or feel ready to give up.
Honestly, I understand. It really is hard here. The struggle seems endless, and sometimes it feels hopeless. But you still have to do the work in front of you.
This trial we’re all facing is exactly what you have to go through to get where you want to be.
Don’t lose heart. People often abandon their dreams right here, when things get difficult, everything falls apart, and there are a hundred reasons to say, “Enough. I’ve had it. I give up.” That’s why 99% of people quit. And that’s also why…
…you need to tell yourself, “I’m not everyone else.”
This is the moment to choose to keep going, to move forward and refuse to give up. This is how you distinguish yourself from people who spend their lives hoping to reach the place you reached, simply because you kept going.
We’re talking about herd mentality. Think of society as a pyramid: most people are at the bottom, and the top is very narrow. Very few make it there.
The conclusion is simple: if you want to succeed, do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. Following the crowd may feel safe, but that safety can be an illusion. Beautiful souls, we didn’t come here just to follow paths that others have already walked.
That is exactly the opposite of what we’re taught.
Right. We came here to be daring and to win at the game of life. To do that, we have to let go of our fear of failure. Failure is part of the process. People who have never failed have never tried.
You have to fail. That’s how you learn to succeed. Tal, we don’t learn from our victories; we learn from our failures. Failure is part of the process, and failing in the past says nothing about who you are now.
I’ve failed a million times, maybe more. What does that say about me? Has it ever stopped me?
Exactly.
Why?
Because I’m not my past. I am who I am in this moment.
I may have done things in the past that I wish I hadn’t.
Of course.
But how could you have reached that understanding if you hadn’t…
…gone through those things? Exactly. There’s no point in dwelling on what has already happened. There is a reason the Creator didn’t design our heads to turn all the way around: we aren’t meant to go through life looking backward.
And maybe that’s why people say…
…that when the Creator wants someone to grow powerful, recognize their strength, and develop genuine self-worth, He first breaks them apart.
First He breaks them apart. Let’s accept that with love.
He takes us apart and puts us back together.
Exactly. We’re dismantled and rebuilt. It’s part of the process.
Whenever someone is growing into their strength and learning to recognize their own power, life seems to break them apart first. So let’s try to accept that with love.
We’ve spoken before about suffering and the Talmudic view that the remedy for it is to accept suffering with love.
And there may be another benefit. We talk all the time about self-love, loving yourself, and believing in yourself. This is critical. Self-love is the cure for everything.
But here’s what fascinates me: self-worth develops naturally when you go through something difficult. It can’t come from anything outside you. That is true whether you were told a million times as a child that you were the crown of Creation or, on the contrary, that you were a failure.
The only way to gain self-worth is to face hardship. It comes from what you achieve for yourself, what you earn with dignity. How you see yourself…
…is what matters most. That is one gift hardship can bring. If you make it through, the experience has a purpose and leaves you with something valuable. That is already good. And it belongs to you alone. It depends on you.
You once mentioned Hillel the Elder. He said a line we all know: “If I am not for myself…”
”…who will be for me?”
If you don’t keep moving and pick yourself up after a fall, no one else can do it for you. If you don’t understand that you have to lift yourself up, you haven’t understood how this world works.
Keep moving. Don’t stop. It doesn’t matter how bad things seem, how stuck you feel, or how many nights you’ve cried in bed and prayed for things to be different.
My heart is with you.
Believe me, I’ve cried too. Even so, keep moving. Focus on becoming better.
It is daily work.
Let the process itself motivate you. Celebrate each change and each challenge you’ve overcome, no matter how modest. Focus on your progress. That’s our work here.
We are here to become better versions of ourselves, to become Superman. Who doesn’t want to be Superman?
I certainly do.
Then do the work whether you’re sad, heartbroken, miserable, or tired; calm or restless; trembling or angry.
Whether you feel confident or not, do it.
Insist on becoming a better, happier person. Today, that is what it means to be a superhero. The fact that we’re going through a difficult period doesn’t mean our story won’t end well.
Taking a step backward doesn’t mean we won’t move forward. Optimism doesn’t mean being happy and cheerful all the time.
For me, it means believing that every hardship or challenge has a reason.
And for the good.
Exactly. Even if I don’t know what the reason is. That’s how I see it. When you understand that every event has meaning and a reason, you meet it differently.
The lesson you learn is the reward for making it through.
You’ve given me the perfect opening. We have a practice built around two reminders. The more we use them, the stronger our faith (emunah) becomes and the calmer we are when something difficult happens. They’re meant for the painful moments, not for when things are going well.
When something bad happens, ask the two questions that have become second nature to us. First: who is doing this to me?
The Creator.
And why?
For my good?
Only for my good.
That’s where we begin, and it works wonders, because the Creator…
…is still the same Creator. Exactly.
Whether you speak of the Creator, the universe, or the Holy One, blessed be He, you will encounter the same kind of situation again and again until you learn to respond differently, think differently, and finally say, “Enough. I’m done repeating this pattern.”
Keep this powerful sentence in mind: old habits won’t open new doors. Once we grasp the power of our thoughts, we won’t think in the same way.
Once we understand the power of the words we speak, we won’t speak in the same way. We also need to understand that our thoughts can hurt us more than anything else, and they can also heal us.
Our thoughts.
We don’t control everything. We don’t control other people, and we certainly don’t control their thoughts.
The only thing I can control is my response. That’s all.
Exactly.
It starts and ends there.
I can’t control events or what happens. I can control only how I respond. So if you want to become a superhero, there are two things to learn. First, don’t react.
You don’t have to react to everything.
Second, don’t take anything personally.
What does that look like in practice?
When you stop reacting to everything…
…and stop taking everything personally…
…you stop letting every event unsettle you. When you withhold your reaction and attention, you stop giving the event a life of its own.
You stop feeding it.
Exactly. And you stop feeding other people’s reactions, too.
Why?
Because you’re no longer resisting them?
You become somewhat detached. For me, that comes from truly understanding that nothing exists outside the Creator.
Exactly. If you believe everything comes from the Creator and is for your good, what is there to get worked up about? Why become angry or sad?
I want to be Superman. I want to be happy.
So I am Superman, and I am happy.
How does that work?
Let’s say one thing about happiness before this becomes another long discussion. Happiness means being good to yourself. That’s all. It means being kind, generous, and, above all, patient with yourself. Happiness can never depend on other people; it depends on me. Happiness is a process of self-discovery.
It means listening to my own heart and following its melody instead of someone else’s.
Think of a piper playing while everyone follows behind. Most of us do that.
The piper walks, and everyone…
…follows. That takes us back to what we said before. We are programmed to follow.
That’s how we were raised: not to shine, not to become…
…Superman. Once again, everything is upside down.
So if we’re going to resist anything, let it be our own autopilot. Our automatic responses come from what we saw, what we learned, and what we were taught at home, at school, and at work. Pause for a moment. Don’t react automatically. Remember the pyramid. Following the crowd doesn’t necessarily take us anywhere good.
The real question is where you want to go. If your happiness depends on you alone, then it begins with your thoughts, continues with your words, and shapes how you see your life.
We don’t live in isolation. When someone challenges me, I may feel attacked. It gets under my skin, hurts me, or, God forbid, offends me.
But I believe that whenever someone challenges you, the Creator is inviting you to address the wounds of your past…
…and rise above them.
Exactly. We are all messengers here.
Don’t spend your life replaying every offense and injury. Try to meet them with understanding. I believe everything comes from the Creator and that nothing exists outside Him. Even the person who hurt you is a messenger of the Creator, inviting you to heal trauma that was already within you.
If someone abandons me and the pain feels overwhelming, chances are it isn’t only about what is happening now.
Chances are I’m carrying childhood trauma. That is what all psychology and psychoanalysis are based on.
That fear of abandonment took root in childhood. The Creator brings me another experience of abandonment, and then another, so that I will do my own work. When someone stirs a painful emotion in me, I need to recognize that they have triggered something already present inside me.
It was already there.
I use an example in my clinic: “Suppose I’m standing here holding a stick, and I hit you with it. Who are you angry with, the stick or me?”
Being angry with other people can be like getting angry with the stick instead of asking who is holding it.
It would make more sense to direct my questions, and even my frustration, toward the Creator.
There’s no point in becoming preoccupied with other people.
That doesn’t mean I won’t hold very clear values or boundaries. But when my self-worth doesn’t depend on someone else’s opinion, that person can say something I disagree with and I can simply think, “All right. I disagree.”
Here’s something practical. One of my go-to responses is, “That’s an interesting point of view.” When someone argues with me…
…I say, “Okay. That’s an interesting point of view.” I don’t have to agree, but I don’t have to resist or fight either. The moment I push against it, I give it more power. What have I accomplished?
Nothing good.
All you’ve done is hurt yourself by getting worked up.
Exactly.
So if we want to become superheroes, to become people with superpowers, remember the two most powerful practices we’ve shared today.
First, stop reacting. Stop reacting, stop reacting. Second, don’t take anything personally. Even when someone leaves you, it isn’t because of you. It has to do with who they are, the story they are living, and what lies in their subconscious.
This is part of developing genuine self-worth, keeping your head above water, and deciding, as we said in the previous episode, “I’ll be okay no matter what.” If I want to rise above the reality around me… well, I can’t fly through the sky yet, though I do dream about it.
But in my mind, I can fly anywhere I want. I can hold a clear picture of what I want. And there is one powerful principle worth remembering.
In the end, it will be good. If it isn’t good now, it isn’t the end.
That means there is still work for you to do. Don’t stop. Keep moving. Keep insisting.
Even amid the disasters, the difficult situation in our country, the tears we’ve shed, and the pain we’re all experiencing, insist on holding on to hope, vision, and faith. Hold on to the belief that everything happening here is for my good, that it has a purpose and something to offer. Believe that one day it will reveal itself as something great, full of light, and good for me.
Above all, remember this: my thoughts create my reality. If I want that reality…
…to become one in which I feel like a real Superwoman…
…I have to change my thoughts.
If you don’t know how to change those thoughts, or if you still find yourself becoming angry, hurt, or offended, I want to tell you what’s coming next. July is almost here, and I’ll be running workshops (in Hebrew) at my clinic throughout the month. I’m offering two or three, and I believe they are gems. They focus on transformation.
In August, I’m doing nothing. I’m telling you now: I’ll be resting in an air-conditioned room or on a tropical beach. But I’ll be here in July, and I’m inviting you: come do this work with me. Anyone who wants to be Superman or Superwoman can’t keep holding on to victimhood, guilt, and anger.
Anyone who wants to feel lighter in both body and soul is warmly invited. We’ll end with a wonderfully uplifting song. I love it.
Have a good day, and may we hear good news.
All the workshop details are below.
I wholeheartedly recommend signing up. It’s a kind thing to do for yourself. I know that from personal experience.
That’s the opening I needed.
There’s one more thing I’ve been meaning to say. A friend gave me the idea.
He said, “Matan Hakim has a million followers, and he speaks directly to his listeners in every episode.” So here’s my request: if something Tal and I shared today helped you or gave you something of value, do us and all the people of Israel a kindness. Pass it on so that we can all become superheroes.
Amen.
Amen.
There will be peace, and it will be good here.
May His name be praised forever.