This episode is in Hebrew.
Choosing joy, even when it’s hard
The hardest work we do is to live with joy. Both joy and sadness are in our hands. Joy is wonderful; sadness can break us.
I speak bluntly about this in the episode. Nothing and no one can help us out of depression unless we want to leave it. Each of us must decide to stop surrendering to the evil inclination (yetzer hara), confusion, and anxiety. I know that may sound harsh. But in my view, you are in control, even when it doesn’t feel that way. You may simply not know yet how to exercise that control or how to become content with what you have.
I also say something that may be hard to hear: being disappointed by your hardships, embarrassing moments, failures, and rough edges is a form of heresy. The Creator made you as you are and placed you here with all those rough edges. Don’t hold that against Him.
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov said, “There is a principle that everything can be transformed for the good.” Even when something feels bad, the moment you say, “This too is for the good,” you connect with a teaching from the Gemara: the remedy for all suffering is to accept it with love. See the good, and it will be good.
Joy is a conscious decision, regardless of what happens to me. Anyone who does not want to live as a victim must make that decision first. Hard, unfair things happen. Suffering and injustice are real. Still, I decide for myself that I will choose joy. Always.
Don’t fill your mind with thoughts that serve no purpose or tie yourself in knots with worry and negativity. Focus on the present. Work at being content with what you have. Where you are now reflects the thoughts you had in the past. If you want to change your future, change the way you think now. A person who feels no excitement is dead.
A practical guide from The Truth Hurts (HaEmet Ko’evet)
Depression is a complex mental health condition that requires ongoing effort and active personal engagement. Drawing on personal and clinical experience, Gili Man Wolner, Emotional Healer, offers practical guidance for coping with depression and finding a way forward.
What is depression?
Depression is marked by sadness, despair, and a loss of interest in everyday activities. It can affect the body, the soul, and the way we think, and it often brings feelings of worthlessness and self-blame. Gili describes depression as an illness that must be taken seriously and met with practical action.
1. Decide to begin
The first and most important step is recognizing that change has to begin with us. We have to decide to fight depression instead of surrendering to it, and then we have to act. That decision requires willpower and persistence, and it is the foundation of the process.
2. Stop beating yourself up
Self-punishment is one of the main factors that deepen depression. Stop punishing yourself for past mistakes and bring your attention back to the present. Dwelling on negative thoughts that serve no purpose will not move you forward.
3. Develop self-awareness
Self-awareness matters when you’re working to overcome depression. Learn what triggers your depression and how to respond in healthier, more helpful ways. It helps you recognize early signs and take action.
4. Make room for positive feelings
Begin with laughter and joy. Laughter can lift your energy and help positive feelings take hold. It may be a small step, but it can be a meaningful part of recovery.
5. Face your fears
Fear is one of the main factors that intensify depression, so it is important to face your fears rather than let them govern you. Gili teaches that faith (emunah) and gratitude can help. When we believe that everything is working for our good, we are better able to stand up to fear.
6. Build self-discipline
Self-discipline plays a key role in overcoming depression. It helps us live by our values and pursue our goals, keeps us focused on what is good, and supports a happier, healthier life.
7. Choose a supportive environment
Surround yourself with positive people and situations, and seek out those who encourage and support you. Step back from people and situations that stir up negative feelings. Our surroundings have a strong effect on our mood, so choose an environment that helps you move out of depression.
8. Cultivate gratitude
Gratitude is an important tool for overcoming depression. Giving thanks for the good things in our lives helps positive feelings grow and supports recovery. Gili recommends writing a daily gratitude list and paying attention to the small good things that happen each day.
9. Make conscious decisions
The choices we make can strongly affect our mood. Choose deliberately, then follow through. Awareness and determination can lead us toward greater happiness and health.
10. Seek professional help
Although the decision to work toward recovery begins with us, we should seek professional help when we feel we need it. Mental health professionals can help us cope with depression effectively, and their support can be important during recovery.
Depression is serious, but it can be overcome. Gili’s approach brings together personal resolve, self-awareness, faith, gratitude, a supportive environment, and professional help. These tools are intended to help a person stop surrendering to depression and begin moving toward a happier, healthier life.
Support resources
Israel-based organizations:
- NATAL – Support Center for People Affected by National Trauma
- ERAN – Emotional First Aid
- Mahuti Center – Emotional Healing and Personal Empowerment
- SAHAR – Online Support and Listening
- ENOSH – The Israeli Mental Health Association
International resources
WebMD – Depression Guide
Depression – Symptoms and Warning Signs
Mental Health America – Depression
NAMI – Depression
Mind – How to Cope with Depression
Psychology Today – Depression
American Psychological Association – Understanding Depression
National Institute of Mental Health – Depression
Verywell Mind – Tips for Coping with Depression